spirituality – Artistic Apathy

Respite

I feel like the prisoner in my own mind…

Longing to break free…

What’s it going to take to break this spell that’s on me?

What’s real and what’s fake? What’s true and what’s false?

Lines are blurred and I escape reason and dance a dance full of folly

Afraid of what the future holds. I’d do anything to hear a word of encouragement. To hear something comforting.

I feel like I’m defective. Must be something wrong with me…

I try to fix myself but if I’m the problem then how can I fix things myself?

I’m altogether burdened and long for respite.

Who will be the shoulder for me to lean on? Where can my soul find its peace at long last?

I search everywhere for answers, frantically, not a moment of rest, restlessly looking for the answer…

Resolution

What will become of me?

Uncertainty grips me and a ticking time bomb is formed in the pit of my stomach

Tick tock… Only moments until it spontaneously combusts.

This worry, this anxiety, is it necessary or is it something I may discard like a used tissue?

Why am I so fearful of something that is only in my body?

And why do things have to go my way ever time? Could things be perfectly fine not going my way?

Why do I need to have a control on things and what do I hope to get in return?

Also, why do I need the answers to these questions or is this another attempt at obtaining control?

My worst fears made true… Them not approving of me. Me being abandoned and cast aside like a cigarette butt out of a car window

My worst fear is being forgotten. If I’m forgotten then what becomes of me? What will happen? Who am I and what am I here to do?

I’m afraid I’ll have nothing. Nothing to fall back on. No security. No sense of comfort. Just utter loneliness.

Let me feel this void a bit longer because something tells me something is trying to come through.

Life is teaching me something and there’s still a lot left more to learn.

Salvage Yard

Take whatever you can salvage.

Everything must go.

The old saying “out with the old, in with the new” applies to this current situation

In this yard lies unfulfilled dreams, pain, darkness, long forgotten memories

Soon, everything will be tossed into the furnace.

The purifying blue flame that is this current moment.

After that, the old will cease to be.

I will become a new creature, reborn from the ashes like a phoenix.

Still though, I find myself coming back to this place time and time again.

What is it that keeps me here and binds me to this place? This attachment that feels more and more like a sore each time?

I will pluck out the thorn from my side, correct my posture and walk the line that is set out in front of me.

Shadows of yesterday will not be able to withstand the light that magnifies with each given day.

And in return, the shadows thank me. You see, a shadow doesn’t know it’s a shadow.

I sit atop a rusty old car and wonder if it’s going anywhere. But then I remember it’s not functional.

So I trade in my keys for some new ones.

Down to go for a little joy ride?

Buried Treasure

There exists a treasure buried at the foot of a mountain

They say it only comes to you in a dream

Therefore, very few people have found that treasure

Many people seek the treasure but look in all the wrong places

It seems the location is only revealed to a select few

Once, it came to a man in a dream and he went out and told the townspeople “follow me to the treasure,” but no one followed.

So the man went on a journey alone to discover the treasure at the foot of the mountain.

The journey was perilous and not without trial but the man was determined to find the treasure

By some miracle unknown he discovered the treasure buried deep within the footbed of the mountain. He thought “If I had to climb down from the top, this would be harder.”

When he found the treasure, the treasure was vast and innumerable. There was more than enough to share. So he took his share of the treasure and went back to the town where he lived.

The townspeople marveled at the gold, jewel and trinkets that the man had brought back. He tried to tell them where to find this buried treasure and that there was more than enough for everyone. When he told them how easy it was, no one believed him. And so, no one else in that town found the treasure for themselves.

The man kept the gold and trinkets and split the wealth, so that way everyone could be wealthy. Some, instead of asking, took from him. But since he was going to give it away anyway, he did not convict them.

The man kept going back to the source of the treasure and bringing back more because the townspeople couldn’t do it themselves.

Eventually, the townspeople had so much gold that they stopped taking from him.

“We have enough gold already,” they said.

The townspeople and the man wound up living merrily with all the gold they had acquired. They had more than enough gold and money to buy material things so they just continued to accumulate wealth until they had an abundance.

THE END.

Rapture in Rhapsody

The place where I belong is short lived

For a few minutes, I get to feel something new while experiencing something quaint

My spirit longs for its release but alas I am only flesh

Free me from the captivity which binds me. Loosen my harnesses! Free me from restraint!

With each resounding note I feel myself becoming a little bit free-er.

The melodies are etched on the litany of my soul. The music lives through me. Through my very being.

And I embody it. I take it on. It becomes a part of my persona as distinguishable as a laugh, for example.

For a moment, I swore I had wings. If I had wings then I would fly. But I’m bound physically and other times mentally too.

At least I can escape, if only for a moment…