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Snowfall Residence

Today is a special day for those who don’t know. Today marks the one year anniversary of my blog.

I remember reading a post that stated 90% of bloggers don’t make it past their first year. Well, I’m glad to say I am part of the 10%. I can’t wait to see what else is in store for this blog.

I started it in 2018 with a friend of mine. His name is Cool & Soul and we started our blogs on the very same day. Not only is today my anniversary but it’s also his. Without further ado, I introduce to you my friend the writer, Cool & Soul.


They say there’s a place

Where lovers can go

Shy from prying eyes

A retreat of their own

Snowfall Residence I’ve never been

But I long for everlasting winter

Just one more excuse for me to remain in your arms

This will be my first love

And this will be my last

After waiting for what feels like an eternity

A thousand times around the sun

You are mine and I am yours

Snowfall Residence I’ve never been

Wherever you are I call it home

I’m no longer a romance nomad

I’m settled in you

Together

We two

These words take on a new strength

Now that I know you

Snowfall Residence

I’ve never been

But I yours

I’ll always be

Meet you

At our usual place

Then together

We’ll embark

Snowfall Residence

I’ve never been

But I’ll go

With you


Cool’s Blog

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Youkoso~

Thanks for viewing my site. If you are the kind of person who has a lot of opinions, especially when it comes to stuff like music, films, art in general, then this is probably the place for you. Here I will discuss my thoughts on anything I feel conveys a feeling or message or just my personal interpretation of something. This is not an objective blog by any means. Also, don’t be surprised if you see “journal entries” or just off-topic rants. Also, I’m keeping the default quote at the bottom cause I like it. Enough said.

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

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My Top 5 Girl Power Movies

As a guy I’ve always kind of enjoyed movies with a strong female lead. It’s just a nice change of pace from the monotonous macho male hero we so often see in cinema.

The leading ladies in these films have flaws and they aren’t afraid to show it. Sometimes their flaws are the very thing that makes them strong.

I can’t think of a better message to send out there.

Here are my top 5 girl power movies of all time in no order:

1. Kill Bill

I had to start the list off with an obvious one. If you’ve been keeping up with my posts then you know this is a movie I love deeply. The story of a bride to be who is assaulted on the day of her wedding… But wait! She’s also pregnant! And the brutal beating causes her to lose her child. Packed with tons of action, Uma Thurman goes toe to toe with foes upon foes as she seeks revenge against those who’ve wronged her. Whenever she is knocked down she gets back up and swinging. Now, revenge isn’t really a message we want to send to impressionable girls and this definitely isn’t a movie for children. But still, seeing a female hero or anti-hero depending on your definition, fight for what she thinks is right and kicking ass while doing it is worth watching.

2. Deathproof

This movie is one of my favorites for one reason: in the first half of the movie, the ladies are the victims but in the second half, the tables turn. The daredevil gone madman Stuntman Mike preys on women. Giving them “joy rides”, which really just serve as a means for him to get sick rocks off. However, towards the end of the film he targets the wrong bunch of ladies including a tough stuntwoman herself. Let’s just say things didn’t end pretty for Stuntman Mike.

3. Room

In this film, Ma, as she’s known throughout the majority of the film or Joy Newsome is trapped in a room with her only son, Jack. The details are that Joy was actually kidnapped by a man when she was younger and Jack is the offspring of both her and her kidnapper. Sounds intense, right? Well that’s because it is. The reason I feel this deserves a spot is for her tenacity and bravery throughout the film. When her son turned five she decided it was time they got out and she made it happen against all odds. She was also such a mother to Jack even under less than desirable circumstances. This is the true hallmark of a great woman. Girl power isn’t always about beating up bad guys, sometimes it’s just having courage and doing the best you possibly can.

4. Girl, Interrupted.

Ah, Girl, Interrupted. I love this movie for so many reasons. One being that I can relate to it on a true level. But that being another topic. Susana is a troubled girl who is sent to a psychiatric facility by her parents for a “rest.” There she meets all sorts of quirky odd characters who later become her friends but at first she is scared. It seems throughout the film she has to make the right choice after right choice. Often taking it upon herself to take care of the other patients in the ward even against her own risk. Getting outside the facility proves harder than ever for her and she has to find a way to adapt and make it out. At one point, not even wanting to stay but believes this is where she belongs. She demonstrates strength and thoughtfulness throughout the movie. Adapting to a new environment, showing compassion and eventually facing her demons. True girl power.

5. Mulan

Can you say classic? Mulan is one of those movies from childhood that I can see over and over and never get sick of it. It has that type of merit.

Mulan is a common Chinese girl who just seeks to be wed one day. Well, when that doesn’t go her way… She enlists in the army! It seems Mulan has something to prove to herself. At first disguising herself as a man so she can fight for the imperial army, she thinks she’s fighting to save her dad. But it turns out it was more than that. This story is about worth. That’s what makes it so powerful. Mulan didn’t feel worthy enough to be a bride so she wanted to prove her worth in something else. This is the story for many young girls and even women across the world. They are still fighting for their voice to be heard, even just for equality. Long story short, Mulan becomes a warrior of great honor and is even seen by the Emperor himself. A true story of coming up from the bottom. Mulan is the epitome of the female underdog. A modern classic that anyone can enjoy.

Well, that concludes my top 5 girl power movies ever. What did you think? What are your top 5? I’d like to discuss. Leave a comment if you will. Thank you all for reading.

Life (working title)

This is a poem I wrote a day I felt particularly good.

Life is indescribable

In one word I could never describe it

Life is many things

But most importantly, life is me

I AM life

I am the trees, I am the children playing in the street, I am the birds fluttering their wings, I am her and I am him

Thinking any different is the cause of great division

We are one

When she smiles at me I can feel it in my soul.

The melody of the song reaches depths unknown and permeates my once tough exterior

When they are happy, I am too

I feel like I’m walking on air

Everything is so easy

If only everyday could feel like this

Wait a minute… what if it can?

Born Free?

More than anything I just want to be free.

Free me

Free from pain

Free from scars

Free to explore

Free to conquer

Free to love

Free to fail

Free to forgive

Free to do nothing and just be for a minute

Free not to feel alone

Free to be with someone and feel a oneness

Free to live

Free to be

Sweet Middle

Unplugged but not off the grid

In love but not attached

Curious but not confused

Lost but found

High but down to earth

Alone but not lonely

Consume but not be consumed

Sad but happy

Indulge but not self-indulgent

Thoughtless but not empty-headed

Sure of himself but nothing is certain

Dead to self but more than alive

Restrained but not hesitant

Forgiving but not fooled

Spirit yet flesh

Music but a single note

A fortress yet a meadow

Travel the world but still never leave home

Surrendered but not captive

Why Do I Still Enjoy Sad/Depressing Music?

Pictured: Lil Tracy (left), Phem (right)

I often find myself going back to songs I heavily enjoyed when I was seriously depressed.

For those who don’t know, I was clinically depressed for years and also diagnosed with social anxiety disorder.

This made it hard to leave the house and even get up out of bed some mornings.

Alone in my bedroom I gravitated towards songs that matched the energy I felt at the time. Artists like Lil Peep, Lil Tracy, Lil NARNIA and Lil Lotus. A whole array of Lil’s and other various artists.

What all these artists have in common is their songs have lyrics with bleak undertones about relationships, break-ups, love itself and even death. And some millenial struggles like not getting a text back or simply not getting any likes on your social media page made it all oddly relatable.

In many of Lil Peep’s songs he talks about his own death over and over to the point where you become desensitized to it. Now looking back in retrospect, it’s sort of haunting.

In a moment where suicidal thoughts plagued my mind constantly, I would take refuge among the many artists who sang about these very internal struggles I was dealing with.

My fanaticism for “emo rap” even led me to attend a concert in November of 2018. Finally getting me outside of my comfort zone and interacting with strangers. I found that once you had a common ground, conversation flowed naturally. That was my first sort of epiphany where I realized social anxiety did not have to hold me back. That if I wanted to, I could overcome it. If only for the time being.

That night I had also made a major decision that would change the course of my life.

Fast forward to now and I have a job where I deal with tons of people day in and day out and I sometimes go out and have fun of my own volition. You can say I’ve sort of mastered socializing. And my depression seems to be a thing of the past. I even stopped listening to some of my favorite artists because their music was too dark for me.

But still I go back sometimes and listen to these songs. Why is that? Is it just for nostalgic reasons specifically? Is it to feed my ego? Or can I just relate to the music on a non-superficial level because I’ve been there and done that?

Anytime I hear someone sing or rap about something that’s real and raw with emotion, I can’t help but to listen. You don’t find that in the vast majority of today’s music. If you listen to popular music, everything is fine and we are here to have a good time. But not with “emo” music. Everything is not fine and they are adamant about that. Sometimes even wearing their sadness as a badge of honor like some sort of identity. It’s just different from a lot of what’s out there.

Sometimes it’s refreshing just to hear someone say “I’m not fine, everything is not fine,” for a change. We all wear masks in this society, very few are true to who they are.

That’s why I will never forget these artists for their contribution. They weren’t afraid to be raw and vulnerable with their emotions.

I hope to put this same type of vulnerability and honesty into my own music and hope someday someone will listen. Truly listen.

Guilt

Guilt is an emotion typically seen as negative. It’s like a flame that grows and grows when fanned. If left unchecked it can consume the host like an unwelcome parasite.

But can guilt be healthy too? Sometimes guilt tells us when we’ve F’d up or crossed a line. We feel guilty so we find that person and apologize to them. But if we’re only sorry because we feel guilt, are we really sorry at all?

Is guilt necessary? When we feel guilty and are under a lot of pressure, guilt is almost like that strict parent that won’t tolerate you not toeing the line. In that case we are like a small child that just wants to receive love from its parent but can’t right now because the parent is disapproving of them.

Guilt can be a destructive emotion and I know that first hand. I used many things to help cope with my guilt. While I don’t self-medicate anymore I still feel guilt for things that I do from time to time.

That’s why I’m writing this post.

If it was a learning experience then what do I have to feel sorry for? That was then and this is now. I’m not the same person I was a few minutes ago. We are constantly changing and morphing. Why still do I beat myself up about this? Is guilt something inherent in humans or is it taught to us? I believe I feel guilt because I’ve proposed a certain standard for myself. A bar I have to reach. When I fall short of that I criticize myself as if that is going to help me do better next time. I’m being the parent in the scenario while simultaneously being the child. It just doesn’t make sense.

If I simply brought compassion and understanding into the equation, the guilt would be absolved. Why do we make it so hard to love ourselves?

If you saw someone struggling, I mean truly struggling, with no help and it’s not their fault what they’re going through… Would you judge them?

Why then do we judge ourselves constantly for the things that we do?

Why can’t we just accept that we are flawed and all have shortcomings?

This stems from a deeper societal problem but I fear going into a tangent.

I made this post so I could release the guilt I was feeling somehow and come back to my real self. I hope someone takes away at least something from this post, you never know if they are the exact words someone needed to read.