coping – Page 4 – Artistic Apathy

I Wanna Be…

Growing up I was told I could be a number of things. Writer, illustrator, film director… and I believed them. My imagination pushed me forward and carried me through childhood and adolescence. Somewhere along the way I sort of lost sense of that and who I was. I began searching but I don’t think I was ever lost. To this day, I feel I still have a sense of what it is I need to do but I’m more doubtful. The vision is not that clear anymore. It seemed before it was clear what I needed to do. Now I’m not so sure… I see people of all sorts of backgrounds, from around the world, bask in excellence. Whether they’re an athlete, model, a singer, everyone has something they’re good at it and shine at… I just want that to be me. Let me be great, let me shine. I can’t stand the idea of being ordinary. I don’t want to fade away, I want to leave behind a legacy. I want to have impacted people in some way. I don’t want to just exist, I want to live. No longer do I want to look at others living their life to the fullest and wish that was me. I want to make it a reality. I want to fight for a dream worth fighting for. Let me be…

Newfound Hope

This year has been tumultuous to say the least. I entered 2018 with the state of mind that I would finally change for the better and get my act together. With that came a lot of obstacles, a lot of the year is a blur to be honest. I don’t remember most of it but what I will never forget is the friends I made along the way. At some point I met someone that I would become very close friends with. Together we came to form a sort of family, a mötley cruë if you will. People with their own set of quirks but still good people. I’m thankful that they stuck around on this rollercoaster of a ride. I’ll never forget the memories and the laughter we shared together. The antics and the playful banter. This year I went toe to toe with anxiety and depression and at times I felt like giving up. I thought I didn’t know who I was and what I was meant to do. Through the storm there is always a ray of light however. My apathy was at it’s zenith and I thought I lost my zeal for life for good, but with the inspiration from a friend and also a motivation inside me I found myself doing the things I love most again. Now towards the end of the year, just in time for Christmas and the New Year, I went in with the most precious gift I could ever receive. Newfound purpose and a hope. I wish everyone a Happy New Year and a Merry Christmas.

Below is a couple songs that got me through the year if you’re at all interested. Kind of a way of saying goodbye to the old memories and habits and moving onto the New Year with a new perspective in mind. In order (kinda)

Ellegarden – The Autumn Song

Chiddy Bang – The Opposite of Adults

nothing, nowhere – hammer

nothing, nowhere – rejecter

Kingdom Hearts – Dearly Beloved

The Fray – You Found Me

Ken Arai [Switched OST] – Believe

Ken Arai [Shitsuren Chocolatier OST] – Marble

Jay Chou – Secret

Yui – Merry Go Round

The Soundtrack to Your Life

You ever watch a movie and think “wow this soundtrack goes perfect with this film,” something along those lines?

What if you had a soundtrack of your own that played randomly at certain moments of your life? Would it make your life better? Would those feelings be more intense?

Can you honestly say you have a soundtrack of your own?

What do you listen to when you’re sad? Happy? Depressed?

If I asked you right now to compile a playlist of songs that reflect the most vital moments in your history here on Earth, could you do it?

Do you know what song you would like to play at your funeral? Do you want people to be sad or happy?

I think the right song in the right moment can change everything. It can make that evening out something magical, that walk in the park all the more special.

Try making a playlist of your own. Pick the best songs you think best represent you. Write the soundtrack to your life and seize every opportunity!

Best wishes, everybody — the writer at Artistic Apathy

The Name Artistic Apathy and What it Means

The definition of apathy is lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern. Hopefully I don’t have to define artistic for you, because even that definition varies among people. So, Artistic Apathy? What do I mean by that. Well, if it’s not already obvious, it means basically, no enthusiasm or interest for pursuit in the arts.

You may think that’s a strange name for a blog that’s all about art. Well, that moniker is somewhat personal.

I believe certain people have an innate desire to create. When that person is cut off from their creativity, they begin to deteriorate. This can happen in the form of a creative block, where no ideas are coming out or in my case, you could lose all sense of who you are and your purpose to the point where creating is the least of your worries. The very thing I was cutting myself off from could have been my saving grace.

Anyway, I see this as turning over a new leaf. This blog was part of that. The name is just to acknowledge that that was something I went through and still might go through.

I want to share something personal with you all now, and it relates to all this.

I wrote my first complete story in a long time. Albeit, it was a bit short but I was very proud of it. I used my own pain and experience to write it and I felt like I wrote characters people could really connect to.

I had to kill off one of my beloved characters for the sake of the advancement of the story. Their death triggered something within me and I cried actual tears. I had never been impacted by a story like that before and it was something I wrote. I knew then that this means a lot to me. It was the first real release I had in a long time.

If I knew then just how important my creativity was, it would have helped a lot. Thank you for reading. Till the next post.

Emotional Catharsis Through Music

When you are feeling gloomy, just got through a bad breakup etc. do you go to that one special song you know will make you feel better? I like listening to soundtracks, instrumentals, when I am feeling down. Why in particular? I find that when there are no lyrics you just get pure emotion from the music. There aren’t any lyrics putting thoughts in your head. For example, a song about a breakup. It will be hard to imagine anything else with lyrics like “I miss you baby!” Don’t get me wrong, sometimes a song will have lyrics and I will still get a completely different feel than the message of the song. But not often. For this purpose I prefer music with no lyrics when I am wallowing. Often times I don’t know what’s so comforting about the song but other times I am able to point out the exact emotion a song gives me like “longing” and “loss” and I feel all my emotions spill out. I recommend when you are feeling not so yourself to not try to cover up feelings with happy go-lucky songs. Confront your emotions head on and hey, you might just learn something about yourself you didn’t know before.