How many of us? Just how many of us are living a life that feels like ours? How many of us are simply just living? How many of us have taken a job because it felt like the “right” thing to do? And how many of us have led a life that leaves something to be desired? These are the themes that are explored in this visceral film. The main character struggles with his queer identity. Struggles to accept himself. The fear of the unknown is something that pervades much of humanity. As I’m typing this the haunting melodies from the fictional band in the movie play in the background. The very song is expressing how the protagonist feels. He wants to desperately be himself but he’s afraid of what will come with it. This is one of my favorite movies for a reason. It’s been a comfort of mine for some time. This is only the fifth or sixth time watching this movie.
I had to ask myself why is that? I’ve come to the conclusion that I see myself in the main character. The call to adventure. The call to go deeper. Like Neo in the Matrix. You can either live in a dream world that is essentially an illusion, or you can go deeper and find out how deep the rabbit hole goes.
Throughout the film there’s this sense that the character in the plot is running out of time. Even when seemingly all hope is lost there’s still this sense that the character can turn back time and start living as he truly is meant to be.
We’ve all exchanged the truth for a lie at some point in our lives. Sometimes it’s easier to believe the lie. This lie however, this belief that we are truly living life is the biggest deception of all. You think, I have a job. I have a source of income. Maybe you are in school. Everything can appear fine on the surface. But inside we are facing an inner turmoil of great magnitude.
“Do you remember the TV show we used to watch?” “Are you sure it was just a TV show?”
The basic themes of the call to adventure permeate this entire movie. I know the feeling. Often times I feel like I’m just watching my life play out as if it’s an episode of television. Every day feels like an echo of the last. I’m well aware of what I ought to be doing but for some reason I can’t help but do what I rather not do. The biggest deception of all is that we have time. The only thing certain about life is death. The hour of our death no one knows. We all think that we have enough time before the clock runs out. If we all had a timer set that we could see of just how many hours, minutes, days we have left… How would we choose to live? Would you call up a relative you haven’t spoke to in a long time? Who would you forgive? How would you choose to live your life from that point onwards. This film is essentially a horror film but something about it is so comforting. I believe the movie in and of itself is a call to adventure. A call to know ourselves more deeply. The themes of gender identity aside I believe this film has something for all of us. That most importantly we must live out our truth. That the illusion that there is time is nothing more than that. An illusion. How will you decide to live your life today?
