freewrite – Artistic Apathy

Resolution

What will become of me?

Uncertainty grips me and a ticking time bomb is formed in the pit of my stomach

Tick tock… Only moments until it spontaneously combusts.

This worry, this anxiety, is it necessary or is it something I may discard like a used tissue?

Why am I so fearful of something that is only in my body?

And why do things have to go my way ever time? Could things be perfectly fine not going my way?

Why do I need to have a control on things and what do I hope to get in return?

Also, why do I need the answers to these questions or is this another attempt at obtaining control?

My worst fears made true… Them not approving of me. Me being abandoned and cast aside like a cigarette butt out of a car window

My worst fear is being forgotten. If I’m forgotten then what becomes of me? What will happen? Who am I and what am I here to do?

I’m afraid I’ll have nothing. Nothing to fall back on. No security. No sense of comfort. Just utter loneliness.

Let me feel this void a bit longer because something tells me something is trying to come through.

Life is teaching me something and there’s still a lot left more to learn.

2 Souls

I approach you with the heart of a child

Your music is like magic to me

You’re like a siren the way your call informs the world around me

In a technologically advanced world, you remind me what it’s like to have an old soul

As the world revolves around us, we’re reminded more and more that it’s more than just about us

Let’s abandon selfish desires for something pure… Something unadulterated…

We trip up on words unspoken. Left to the imagination, what’s unassuming becomes visceral and amplifies with each quaking moment.

Allow me to come clean once and for all. I leave my filthy rags behind for some fine linen white robes.

Let’s endure this love everlasting. Making each moment for exciting than the previous one.

Evolution

I traverse the path they call life with you

Over they sky, a monochrome rainbow but now a different hue

Stabbed me one too many times, been my thorn one too many times… I thought of getting rid of you

A relationship is a gamble for me but you I couldn’t stand to lose

We have conversations over coffee, see, but we still have different views

Offer me a million girls from all around the world and still only you I’d choose

I’ve come clean. I’ve righted my wrongs. I’ve paid my debts. I’ve paid my dues

Please let this be as sweet as candy and as pure as white snow on a frosty December morning.

Wherever you are, whatever it is, I’ll meet you there, no matter what it’s concerning.

An unquenchable torch within my heart that will forever be burning

I fear my emotions are too much sometimes and you’ll leave in a hurry

Please reassure me everyday and tell me “I love you” so I never have to worry.

I’ve Decided

I’ve decided that life is too short to go on wasting it.

Wasting it at a job you don’t like, wasting it doing nothing of value, wasting it…

I’ve decided to live. I’ve decided to let bygones be bygones, I’ve decided to forgive…

I’ve decided that life is too short to go on carrying hostility or animosity toward someone.

Life is too short to second-guess yourself… Whether you’re good enough or have what it takes, it doesn’t matter…

What we want out of life, seems like something so far out of reach but in an instant everything can change. Everything. Suddenly, you have it all.

But what then? What happens afterward? I don’t want my life to be chasing a carrot on a stick.

I’ve decided to follow my heart.

I found out that the person I was looking for all along isn’t out there. I was looking for myself. I’d like to meet me. Not the me everybody knows. But the real me.

I’ve decided to face my dark emotions.

I’ve decided that crying is okay. Being alone is okay. Feeling blue is okay.

We’re all human.

I’ve decided that it’s okay to be vulnerable. Doesn’t matter the time or circumstance. It’s egoic to pretend you have everything.

I’ve decided

to love.

;

Yo Soy

I sometimes forget to screw the cap back on the toothpaste

I always watch Netflix with subtitles on whether or not it’s in my native language

My phone is the first thing I check when I wake up

I like going on long walks by myself

I like my water cold, not room temperature

I like listening to strangers’ problems

I like my coffee almost black

Money is a nice commodity but it’s not what I’m after

I like being the most well dressed person in the room

One of my pet peeves is when people don’t clean up after themselves

Another one of my pet peeves is when people think they’re smarter than me

I place everything in my room in a coordinated way, nothing out of place

Yo Soy.