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Tag: monologue

Resolution

What will become of me?

Uncertainty grips me and a ticking time bomb is formed in the pit of my stomach

Tick tock… Only moments until it spontaneously combusts.

This worry, this anxiety, is it necessary or is it something I may discard like a used tissue?

Why am I so fearful of something that is only in my body?

And why do things have to go my way ever time? Could things be perfectly fine not going my way?

Why do I need to have a control on things and what do I hope to get in return?

Also, why do I need the answers to these questions or is this another attempt at obtaining control?

My worst fears made true… Them not approving of me. Me being abandoned and cast aside like a cigarette butt out of a car window

My worst fear is being forgotten. If I’m forgotten then what becomes of me? What will happen? Who am I and what am I here to do?

I’m afraid I’ll have nothing. Nothing to fall back on. No security. No sense of comfort. Just utter loneliness.

Let me feel this void a bit longer because something tells me something is trying to come through.

Life is teaching me something and there’s still a lot left more to learn.

Wya¿

I’m like a ghost.

Not appearing on anyone’s radar.

Insignificant.

I’m all alone, despite the illusions.

It’s just me. Blazing the trail alone.

I’m not an essential part of anyone’s life.

If I was gone tomorrow I doubt it would make any waves. Actually, I know it wouldn’t.

I’m not suicidal, I have no interest in dying. I have an interest in living. I’m just wondering when life is going to take an interest in me.

I don’t care about shit. All I care about is this art. As harsh as it sounds.

Nobody sees the real me. The person I could be. Not a soul.

Every day I wake up wondering if today will be the day. If something memorable will happen. But it never does. I’m re-living the same day over and over. What do I have to look forward to?

But still, I keep on existing. What else is there?

I shoulder it all alone. After all, who would care? No one really. It’s just me, again.

I don’t want to be famous, I don’t care about riches. I don’t care about things most people care about. I just want to live the life I know I’m meant to live.

But the brutal reality is the only thing standing in the way of that… is Me.