I trail on alone… in the darkness.
I’ve never been more frightened. It’s thundering and the clouds are dark and charged with rain.
For a moment, it seems the only thing raining down tonight is me.
But I can’t turn back… not now anyway.
There’s nothing to go back to. They say home is where the heart is. In that case, my home is definitely not my home. And I have nowhere I can place my heart.
I feel stranded. Like the loneliest creature in this long and dreary night.
I call a friend but strangely their phone has been disconnected. It’s all awfully too convenient.
I look for a sign. Telling me to go back. Or to keep going. I’m done relying on signs. Suddenly, it begins to rain. So I search for the nearest cover. A tree provides me with temporary shelter. Still, I’m shaken with fear. Will anything ease my troubled mind?
Suddenly home doesn’t seem so bad. At least it’s a shelter from all the dangers of life. Although one day I won’t have that safety cushion anymore. I’ll have to venture out into the wilderness alone. Kind of like now.
Who or what will I give my heart to? Who or what will be the tree that shades me through the storms and the rain?
For now, there’s nobody. And that’s just a reality I have to deal with. Although I don’t want to, I will have to return home immediately. And not because anyone will worry about me. But because I have to. It’s my only home. As broken as it may be.
As the night progresses, I strangely find solace under this tree. This thing, it’s not a human but it’s providing me with necessary shelter. Life’s comical that way. I somehow find peace and quiet even though the weather has not yet tempered.
The street has no perceivable end. I could shout and no one would hear me.
It’s puzzling to me how no one is slightly worried for my safety. All I have is myself and an iTunes library of music. Is it enough? Who knows.
I was afraid of being caught in a thunderstorm but nature isn’t to be feared. It’s to be respected. And right now it’s coming through for me when no one is.
It’s not like I’m completely alone. But I might as well be. Having someone to talk to isn’t the same as having someone you can be yourself with, unapologetically.
I know I’ll make it through this. There’s no doubt in my mind. I always persevere and that’s a trait I like in myself. But for now all I see is a lost little boy. Alone in the rain.