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Reflecting on my Vacation Overseas

For a couple of months I’ve had the pleasure of spending sometime overseas with my family in the Dominican Republic. I was received well and treated like a guest of honor. All in all, it was a positive experience and I’m ever grateful I came.

I got to explore around and see things I’ve never seen before and also re-visit some things I had seen but had changed. The trip brought on a sense of nostalgia and adventure. It was like being in a home away from home.

I had no idea I had so much family and now that I know I feel less alone. Just knowing that there are more people who care about you whether they’re around or not makes a huge difference.

At times I felt antsy to get home and work on my new projects but I stayed busy here writing blog posts, stories and other fun activities that kept me productive. While antsy at times I was never desperate and enjoyed my time here very much. Time seemed to slow down on the island. I was forced to look at myself a lot throughout this whole experience and asked myself what do I regard as important and family being one of them.

Now the journey is nearing its end and I will be returning home tomorrow. I look forward to working harder and being a little more appreciative and also helping others.

Lift you off the Ground

Words can’t express what you are to me.

When no one is around, I have you but you may not even be aware just how much you impact my life. I wish you could know it every day, just how much you matter. I know sometimes you don’t feel so good. I want to be the person who can lift you off the ground when it feels like you’re sinking. Cheer up.

Don’t let life get you down and always look towards a brighter future. You came at a time when I was really losing myself and thanks to you I found myself again. If you can do that for me, I know you can accomplish anything you want.

Sometimes I don’t feel worthy of you or anybody and I want to just hide and disappear for a while. But you’re always there when I come back and you never turn me away. I hope that we remain like this for many years to come. I feel like I’ve struck gold with you.

No I won’t name you by name. If I told you all this I would feel overexposed. It’s not really something that’s accepted… nonetheless I hope you accomplish everything you set out to accomplish. And always know you have at least one person in your corner. Who wants to see you happy everyday and winning.

This is to you.

Unrequited Love

I don’t know the first thing about love

But I do know that I want to hold you so close

To feel your warmth pressed up against my body

To feel your breath, your heartbeat. I want to feel your presence

Us being here. How delicate it is. How mysterious it is. Just us holding each other tight.

I want to shield you from any and all harm and you’ll be mine. Mine to protect and to love and to cherish.

Your smile warms my heart, your laugh brightens my mood. When you are happy I’m joyful and when you are sorrowful I will be the shoulder for you to lay your head on

But still you do not love me.

No, you don’t even care about me

You couldn’t be more impervious to my existence

Don’t you understand that I’m nothing without you?

Thinking of you slipping away more and more, moment by moment, tightens my chest and fills me with grief

Can’t you see that I’m the one for you?

Can’t you see that I’m the only one who will make you happy?

You can try to find someone else but they won’t be half the lover I can be

Why don’t you give me a chance, please?

I’m not enough for you and that fills my eyes with tears and I below out in agony

You’re tormenting me

You’re so cruel

But I’m willing to be tormented if it means I can continue loving you.

 

 

Dolor Amoroso

The young man traversed the center of the city at night without stalling looking for his would be lover. They said they would be there but weren’t at the spot they said they would be. He had this worried expression on his face and he carried a single rose in his right hand.

The rose was wilting by the minute for every minute that passed without him entrusting the rose to his beloved.

I have to find her, he thought.

He texted her on his mobile phone. Where are you? He wondered if maybe she was ghosting him.

He gauged the many couples hand in hand and thought about how lonely he felt without her around. The city lights were almost like a spotlight on him and this was his performance. Though no one really wondered why he carried the rose with such haste.

Upon entering a bar he saw a woman with brown hair much like his loved one. He maneuvered through the large crowd to get to her and he set his hand on her shoulder. She turned around with a jolt.

It wasn’t her.

“Sorry.”

The woman went back to conversing with her friends. At this point he’s distraught. He circles the floor of the bar when some girls at a table notice him.

“Are you looking for someone?” One of them asks.

“I am. I’m looking for a girl with brown hair, pale skin, she’s really short. Have you seen her around here?”

They all shook their heads.

“Do you want a lollipop?” The same girl asked.

The man thought they were being nice in offering him a treat.

“Sure,” he said.

“One dollar,” the girl said.

The young man was bewildered. It seems they were having a birthday party but were selling would-be party favors at a price. He turned them down and went about his business.

He stepped outside of the bar and surveyed the passerby’s and then looked up at the dark night sky. There weren’t many stars. It was just empty blackness. Which summed up his night pretty well.

He trotted some more, occasionally resting on park benches. He held the rose in his hand and decided it was time to go home. She wouldn’t show. He threw the rose in the trash. It was one of the most painful things he had ever done.

As he was walking a man walked next to him at about the same pace.

“Man I’ve walked all this city looking for this place and I still don’t know where it’s at, man.”

The young man turned to him.

“I understand, I’ve been looking all over for this girl. She said she’d be here and never showed.”

“Sorry to hear that, man,” the man said.

At that point the young man looked up at the roof of the cathedral and a flock of birds took flight in a V-pattern. This is pain, he thought.

The White Room

I slowly opened my eyes and saw nothing but white. A white wall. For a second I forgot just where I was. I was in the white room, where time moved at a crawl. Or did time really move at all? I seemed to have forgotten the concept of time. At first I could tell how much time had gone by because I was provided with a small mirror. When my beard grew out I knew it had been several days. But I didn’t have any tools to shave.

I think I’ve gone mad, I don’t know how long I’ve been in here and why… at first I came up with little stories to entertain myself. I learned how to be my best friend. I talked to myself a lot. I talked about how to break out. The door was right there, but I couldn’t bring myself to open it. I was afraid of what was on the other side. Many times I came close to opening it but decided not to. I still don’t know if it’s really locked or I just tricked myself into believing it. But I digress.

There was the wall to my right stained with blood from when I punched my knuckles bloody. I was frustrated and a little crazy. I don’t know what I thought. Maybe that I could punch my way out? But it was unsuccessful.

At that moment a buzzer rang. I looked up at the wall to my left and there was a red light flashing. The door swung open and a man in a white lab coat came inside. I stood up and faced him.

“Who are you?” I asked.

He just smiled.

“Are you ready to come out now?”

I didn’t know how to answer that question.

“Of course… I have been. For a while.”

“I don’t think you were ready. But now, are you ready?”

I stared at him for a moment then nodded.

“Why am I here? Who put me in here?”

The man smiled.

“I’ll show you. And when I show you, you won’t want to believe it.”

I followed him out of the room and the door shut behind me.

What I saw shocked me to my core.