Unrequited Love

I don’t know the first thing about love

But I do know that I want to hold you so close

To feel your warmth pressed up against my body

To feel your breath, your heartbeat. I want to feel your presence

Us being here. How delicate it is. How mysterious it is. Just us holding each other tight.

I want to shield you from any and all harm and you’ll be mine. Mine to protect and to love and to cherish.

Your smile warms my heart, your laugh brightens my mood. When you are happy I’m joyful and when you are sorrowful I will be the shoulder for you to lay your head on

But still you do not love me.

No, you don’t even care about me

You couldn’t be more impervious to my existence

Don’t you understand that I’m nothing without you?

Thinking of you slipping away more and more, moment by moment, tightens my chest and fills me with grief

Can’t you see that I’m the one for you?

Can’t you see that I’m the only one who will make you happy?

You can try to find someone else but they won’t be half the lover I can be

Why don’t you give me a chance, please?

I’m not enough for you and that fills my eyes with tears and I below out in agony

You’re tormenting me

You’re so cruel

But I’m willing to be tormented if it means I can continue loving you.

 

 

Dolor Amoroso

The young man traversed the center of the city at night without stalling looking for his would be lover. They said they would be there but weren’t at the spot they said they would be. He had this worried expression on his face and he carried a single rose in his right hand.

The rose was wilting by the minute for every minute that passed without him entrusting the rose to his beloved.

I have to find her, he thought.

He texted her on his mobile phone. Where are you? He wondered if maybe she was ghosting him.

He gauged the many couples hand in hand and thought about how lonely he felt without her around. The city lights were almost like a spotlight on him and this was his performance. Though no one really wondered why he carried the rose with such haste.

Upon entering a bar he saw a woman with brown hair much like his loved one. He maneuvered through the large crowd to get to her and he set his hand on her shoulder. She turned around with a jolt.

It wasn’t her.

“Sorry.”

The woman went back to conversing with her friends. At this point he’s distraught. He circles the floor of the bar when some girls at a table notice him.

“Are you looking for someone?” One of them asks.

“I am. I’m looking for a girl with brown hair, pale skin, she’s really short. Have you seen her around here?”

They all shook their heads.

“Do you want a lollipop?” The same girl asked.

The man thought they were being nice in offering him a treat.

“Sure,” he said.

“One dollar,” the girl said.

The young man was bewildered. It seems they were having a birthday party but were selling would-be party favors at a price. He turned them down and went about his business.

He stepped outside of the bar and surveyed the passerby’s and then looked up at the dark night sky. There weren’t many stars. It was just empty blackness. Which summed up his night pretty well.

He trotted some more, occasionally resting on park benches. He held the rose in his hand and decided it was time to go home. She wouldn’t show. He threw the rose in the trash. It was one of the most painful things he had ever done.

As he was walking a man walked next to him at about the same pace.

“Man I’ve walked all this city looking for this place and I still don’t know where it’s at, man.”

The young man turned to him.

“I understand, I’ve been looking all over for this girl. She said she’d be here and never showed.”

“Sorry to hear that, man,” the man said.

At that point the young man looked up at the roof of the cathedral and a flock of birds took flight in a V-pattern. This is pain, he thought.

The White Room

I slowly opened my eyes and saw nothing but white. A white wall. For a second I forgot just where I was. I was in the white room, where time moved at a crawl. Or did time really move at all? I seemed to have forgotten the concept of time. At first I could tell how much time had gone by because I was provided with a small mirror. When my beard grew out I knew it had been several days. But I didn’t have any tools to shave.

I think I’ve gone mad, I don’t know how long I’ve been in here and why… at first I came up with little stories to entertain myself. I learned how to be my best friend. I talked to myself a lot. I talked about how to break out. The door was right there, but I couldn’t bring myself to open it. I was afraid of what was on the other side. Many times I came close to opening it but decided not to. I still don’t know if it’s really locked or I just tricked myself into believing it. But I digress.

There was the wall to my right stained with blood from when I punched my knuckles bloody. I was frustrated and a little crazy. I don’t know what I thought. Maybe that I could punch my way out? But it was unsuccessful.

At that moment a buzzer rang. I looked up at the wall to my left and there was a red light flashing. The door swung open and a man in a white lab coat came inside. I stood up and faced him.

“Who are you?” I asked.

He just smiled.

“Are you ready to come out now?”

I didn’t know how to answer that question.

“Of course… I have been. For a while.”

“I don’t think you were ready. But now, are you ready?”

I stared at him for a moment then nodded.

“Why am I here? Who put me in here?”

The man smiled.

“I’ll show you. And when I show you, you won’t want to believe it.”

I followed him out of the room and the door shut behind me.

What I saw shocked me to my core.

Can Album Artwork Influence Your Perception?

In the cover for Madlib and MF Doom’s collaborative project, better known together as Madvillain, you get MF Doom in his metal face mask reminiscent of the villain Doctor Doom from Marvel Comics. The notorious black and white helps paint an image of a real Hip-Hop villain. The splash of color in the right corner helps add a nice contrast.

So, can a album’s artwork influence your perception of a body of work?

I certainly think it can.

Some album covers give you an expectation. You may have already heard some singles off the album prior to listening to the full project but certain covers give you an over-all idea of what to expect.

A$AP Rocky’s At.Long.Last.Asap is a good example (great album by the way). In the cover we have Rocky holding his face with his hands but we see several different faces. We also see a face with a birth mark that belongs to his late comrade A$AP Yams. So, already you can tell this is going to be a trippy and experimental album and also that it’s in memory of A$AP Yams. You can already expect a shoutout or two.

Kero Kero Bonito, an indie pop group with bilingual lyrics often have covers like this with colors that “pop.” Get it? Pop music? Usually Sarah, the frontwoman for the band is featured, as it is mainly her vocals that appear on the songs. She often wears “cute,” “glamorous,” or “kawaii” clothing. This is fitting because their lyrics are filled with Japanese and the production is often a glossy, bubblegum, cheery, cutesy type of music.

There are certain album covers that make more sense after listening to the album itself. Take for example, Kendrick Lamar’s To Pimp a Butterfly, a play on the book title To Kill a Mockingbird.

In this album, pictured are friends of Lamar from his neighborhood, shown here flashing money and holding liquor bottles. Even the younger ones in this can be seen holding money. This is characteristic of what Kendrick Lamar grew up with. Growing up he saw a lot of hustling and partying as well. If you notice, the White House sits in the background and what looks like a dead judge lays at their feet. This is a statement on the injustice African-Americans face everyday in America. The fallen judge signifies that they’ve beaten the injustice.

Lamar surrounded by his friends can be interpreted as, when Kendrick reaches the top, he is taking his neighborhood with him. The album talks a lot about race dynamics and politics. You might think the cover is just your typical “we’re taking over” rap theme until you reach deeper.

Some album covers are more blatant. Take Joey Bada$$’s All-AmeriKKKan Bada$$.

In this album, Joey criticizes the American government and speaks on the injustices and struggles many African-Americans face at the hands of an “oppressor.” The paisley American flag represents another side of America that’s often looked over. He states here that he is All-American and should not be ignored or suppressed. The play on the infamous name of racist radical group The KKK sandwiched between the letters that spell America also suggests there is going to be themes of race and oppression.

All in all, I think good album artwork is essential for a good album. I’m of the variety who like aesthetics. I think the artwork goes hand in hand with the music and has to make sense. You wouldn’t want a grungy looking album cover for a teen girl group. It would just leave people confused and is distasteful. I think it’s what makes music so multi-dimensional. Music is not just auditory anymore but you have the static album artwork and music videos, which is film and music combined, adding to the experience.

Thank you for reading this somewhat long post. Until the next one.

Vivre Sa Vie

Did I make an oath underneath that moonlight? The moon seemed to be a recurring theme for that night. Once when I was on the roof and I delighted in its super glory and again on the side of the beach. The moon was playing peek-a-boo with me all night, shrouded in the clouds. I’m glad that we were able to stop and appreciate the beauty of nature after a night of wordly affairs.

That night as I gripped a beer bottle, I had to wonder what I’m really about. What does it mean to live one’s life truly? I think I was beginning to understand it more.

That night I felt free, I was up for anything. It was a time of exploration for me in the old colonial city. Something that I’m all about. Maybe that’s what it means for me. I wouldn’t mind trying new experiences and loosening up just a little. I usually feel like the odd one out in these situations but I feel I may really be coming into my own.

Do I have more of a grasp of what I’m really about or is this just the effects of some alcohol and some fleeting excitement? This I wonder. Either way it feels good to have any sort of clarity… Vivre sa vie… my life to live.

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