blogging – Page 4 – Artistic Apathy

Dream the Dream

I’m a pretty big dreamer. I can call myself that. But nothing more magnifies this idea than my actual dreams. At night I dream expansive imaginative worlds with their own narration. None of them like the other.

Often times, like most I suppose, I forget that I’m living a dream and when I wake up there are a few moments where I have to ground myself in reality and think “that was a dream.”

It’s often said dreams are a portal to another world. I’ve heard it been said that dreams are the reality and we’re actually in the dream during our waking hours. I don’t know about all of that but I do know that in my dreams are encased my fears, anxieties, emotions, hopes, dreams. Things that I don’t normally express during my waking hours.

It’s almost like a little playground where one can act out the deepest inclinations of their mind. Although, sometimes I’m surprised by what I dream, it can be horrifying.

While dreams aren’t always pleasant, they can also be a way to connect to others vicariously. Maybe you’d like to say sorry to someone whose trust you broke. Maybe you want to finally say goodbye to that late family member, properly.

In dreams, I get to interact with those in my life who are important to me but are miles and miles away. In dreams I get to talk to them face to face, I can hold them and feel them. It’s a way for me to deal with the emotional burden of them not being here and sometimes there are moments in dreams I wish I could actually live.

Last night I had a dream that a friend sent me a video of them in New York City. It was snowing and it was apparently Christmas by the garments that they had on. I went outside and there were Christmas decorations everywhere. I went up a long hill and raised my head to see the sky was filled with dazzling stars. What a beautiful dream. So beautiful, I had to immortalize it forever in a drawing. Which I often gawk at because I know I’ll never get that dream back.

But hey, you never know. Life is just dreams waiting to be made reality.

I wonder though, if someone could remember every detail of their dreams from while they were asleep, I’m sure there’d be movie scripts, inventions and lucrative ideas just waiting to be expanded upon.

Thank you for reading~

Until next time.

End of a Chapter, Start of a New One

Recently I’ve been feeling like a chapter of my life has come to a close and I’m starting a new one.

To better illustrate, I’ll explain it to you.

Recently I faced an old fear I had head on and came out on top, which partly inspired the last post. That and the bird. But anyway, I had an old story of limitation in my head. It’s basically those voices that tell you you can’t do something because it’s never been done or you won’t amount to nothing.

As I faced this fear, my whole body was freaking out and I nearly threw up. The whole time though I was just staying with my nervous self and not freaking out over being nervous which in turn would only make things worse. I also gave myself permission to throw up if I needed to. That may sound insane but I basically gave myself the space to be nervous and by doing that I was there for myself when I couldn’t really count on anyone.

Long story short I challenged the old story and proved it wrong. Now something I had huge anxiety and worry over isn’t even a problem anymore. I still get nervous sure but I can rest more knowing I am safe. I still have many fears that need to be faced.

That was the closing out of that chapter. The old story. The new chapter began when I began to look at all the possibilities now that I faced this fear. It was like stepping into a new world, you couldn’t believe how impactful it was when I did this one thing and didn’t run away.

I’m trying this new thing where I’m just honest about my feelings. I now understand the phrase “the truth will set you free.” You really liberate yourself from your mental prison when you just talk about what’s weighing you down.

I’ve stepped into a world where I only could have dreamed of months ago. And it’s all because I decided to face my biggest fear head on where others would run and hide. And that’s not to shame those people because I was scared too. But it’s more of giving myself a congratulatory pat on the back. We all deserve a little credit every now and then.

This has been the writer at Artistic Apathy.

50 Follower Milestone

I’m happy to be able to say I’ve reached fifty followers on WordPress. I started this blog in November and didn’t really expect much to happen but what followed was surely worth it.

I’ve bared my soul on this blog and people seem to like it. I’m happy that people even bother to read what I write. If even one person gets something out of it then I am satisfied.

This blog serves as a device to unload a lot of trains of thought that I have that I feel deserve a place somewhere and you all have made me feel welcome on here.

So here’s to you. I’m going to bring you more quality content and more consistency. Thank you for taking the time to read my posts and for the support. Cheers.

Silence, Stillness

How much do you value silence?

In this fast paced and ever demanding world, rarely do people stop to take a real breather.

I think silence, stillness, is powerful.

There’s beauty in just staying still and observing what is around you without so much as a word. Or also, just observing your mind. How many people know how to calm their mind to a standstill? Where the daily traffic of intruding thoughts and memos and reminders come to a halt? A daunting task for I’d say many. It’s something that still eludes me myself.

How more beautiful can a moment be in perfect silence? Even your mind is silent. You’re just being. How many people can appreciate this moment before they go mad or reach for their phone? Not many.

I remember I used to practice meditation for 2 hours every morning. For a while I didn’t think it did anything. Then I started noticing that I felt calmer, didn’t divide my attention up and could focus on things more attentively. I also just seemed happier.

See, they call a wandering mind “monkey mind.” The mind is like an ape begging for attention constantly. By taking time out of my day to watch and essentially give it the attention it wanted, I was able to calm it.

I’m guilty of falling out of this practice but today brought me back to the moments I spent enjoying absolute stillness and nothingness, just being. Singularity. Indeed life is very delicate in and of itself and when you stop a moment to appreciate it you become more thankful.

Perhaps I will reinstate this practice back into my routine as it is to my benefit.

Thank you for reading.

Vivre Sa Vie

Did I make an oath underneath that moonlight? The moon seemed to be a recurring theme for that night. Once when I was on the roof and I delighted in its super glory and again on the side of the beach. The moon was playing peek-a-boo with me all night, shrouded in the clouds. I’m glad that we were able to stop and appreciate the beauty of nature after a night of wordly affairs.

That night as I gripped a beer bottle, I had to wonder what I’m really about. What does it mean to live one’s life truly? I think I was beginning to understand it more.

That night I felt free, I was up for anything. It was a time of exploration for me in the old colonial city. Something that I’m all about. Maybe that’s what it means for me. I wouldn’t mind trying new experiences and loosening up just a little. I usually feel like the odd one out in these situations but I feel I may really be coming into my own.

Do I have more of a grasp of what I’m really about or is this just the effects of some alcohol and some fleeting excitement? This I wonder. Either way it feels good to have any sort of clarity… Vivre sa vie… my life to live.