coping – Artistic Apathy

The Hole

You could get as high as you want to and not fix the hole.

You can drink to your hearts’ content and not fix the hole.

You can eat an entire plate of nachos and not fix the hole.

You could have sex with 1,000 strangers and not fill the hole.

Everyday, moving onto the next thing. Always wondering what is next. What will come afterward and will it be better than before?

But no matter what happens, the hole remains.

The hole can’t be fixed by simple pleasures. It’s in need of a much larger remedy.

No purpose to be fulfilled. Aimless wandering, a life devoid of meaning and satisfaction. How grueling it gets when you don’t even know who you are for a fact!

Identity issues on top of identity issues. Insecurity. Instability. Doubt. Fear. Paranoia. Settling in… it’s creeping in, making its home.

Outside is beautiful but none of it feels real. Your self absorption has made you unable to take in simple beauty.

What a chore life can be when living like this.

No one is there for you when you need them. No when is there for you how you want them to be. Nothing seems right to you.

You can’t point at one thing and say it’s going well for you. The one thing you had the greatest expectations for let you down.

So then now what? When everything is crumbling down, where will you run? Who will you run to?…

Lament

I have a lot to feel sorry for.

But tonight I want to forget about all that.

For once, I want to leave everything on the page.

Do you think I want to possess you? No. I just want your love. If even for tonight.

Tomorrow we can go back to being strangers. But for now, all that pent up frustration and emotional baggage… Use me to get over it. I’d gladly let you.

We are both lost souls. Looking for a place in this world that’s most unfriendly. Let me be the fire that warms your heart like a homely fireplace, lest our love be thrown to the furnace.

We’re at risk of falling and becoming like the rest of them. But that’s not becoming of us.

We peer into their lives but only out of curiosity. We wish not to meddle. Just observe. How things go on. We are looking from the outside in.

Play the music that makes it feel like time is at a standstill. I want to be there with you. In those moments in between.

I’ll go the distance but you have to show me you are willing to meet me there. I run the race for no one. Unless I see a cause.

We’re searching for things to momentarily fill the void. Whilst looking for things that set off bombs in us… Rupturing and undoing years of perpetual guilt, torment, and blame.

Tonight is quite dark and lonely but truth is… I walk the path alone. Who will meet me halfway? I don’t know. Time is valuable but why does it feel like a currency we can’t afford?

It’s just the plate that life’s handed us, it’s today’s du jour.

I’ll await at the borderline for something to save me. To make it all worth it. Is it really all weighing on my shoulders? It’s too much to bare. But I’ve shouldered it before. So therefore, I march on.

Round and Around We Go

I feel confined.

I’m not sure what I want to do but I’m sick of this monotonous routine.

I’ve tried to keep myself busy but something’s always getting in the way.

I’m ready for this all to be over for good. The uncertainty of it all isn’t helping to put my mind at ease.

I can’t remember the last time I spent quality time with someone.

It’s beginning to get to me.

I feel I might crack.

But I can’t. That would be the worst.

This has to be the worst year ever. And it was supposed to be mine.

Perfect Phantom

A drifter.

A wanderer.

A vagrant.

A misnomer.

A complete anomaly.

No identity.

No ties.

No friends.

No lovers.

No profile.

1 of ?

Team player.

No… no.

If the answer was in him he surely would have found it.

Something’s missing.

He’s missing.

But to have been missing, he would have to have had a place where he belonged in the first place.

A ghost.

A virtual nobody.

No record.

No backstory.

Just the perfect phantom.

And the strange thing is… he might actually prefer it that way.

In the Name Of

There are times in life when we feel like something is missing.

Often times we can’t pin point exactly what it is.

Then we get the thing we’ve been looking for and feel whole, if not only for a while.

Then time drags on and we feel like something is missing again.

See, we’ve come to take everything for granted.

Everything that is so beautiful about this very moment.

We get lost.

It’s at times like this that we becoming soberingly aware of our own existence and start asking what our place in this universe is.

What will make us truly happy?

What if the answer was nothing? Then what would you do…