journal – Page 19 – Artistic Apathy

Human Suffering

I’ve been meaning to make this post for a couple of days now. I just had this feeling that I had something to say. As I type this, I’m still not sure what it is. I suppose it will come naturally.

Recently I finished a very good book and watched a very impactful movie that brought to my attention struggles from the past I was unaware of. In school, I learned about several atrocities but just seeing these events unraveled in such detail really opened my eyes.

These peoples’ struggling hit me particularly hard and made me wonder about my own situation. These are my brothers and sisters going through a hard time. It made me realize just how fortunate I am to lead the life I lead.

I’ve never had to eat out of the trash to survive. I’ve never had to eat bugs to survive. I’ve never watched my mother or father die before my very eyes.

All these thoughts brought up in me a conviction. I felt that I had a duty to help alleviate suffering however I can.

We all suffer the same. Doesn’t matter what color, creed, or flag you are. Anyone suffering out there is a brother or sister in need. If I could help them in any way I’d be happy.

I guess that’s what this post is about mostly. I wanted to write about it so I wouldn’t become passive and go back to living my middle class life in a first world country.

I want to be of service.

A question. Why do people seek peace through violence? It seems that it would be common sense this is counter-intuitive but history shows it doesn’t come naturally to everybody.

Thank you for reading.

Silence, Stillness

How much do you value silence?

In this fast paced and ever demanding world, rarely do people stop to take a real breather.

I think silence, stillness, is powerful.

There’s beauty in just staying still and observing what is around you without so much as a word. Or also, just observing your mind. How many people know how to calm their mind to a standstill? Where the daily traffic of intruding thoughts and memos and reminders come to a halt? A daunting task for I’d say many. It’s something that still eludes me myself.

How more beautiful can a moment be in perfect silence? Even your mind is silent. You’re just being. How many people can appreciate this moment before they go mad or reach for their phone? Not many.

I remember I used to practice meditation for 2 hours every morning. For a while I didn’t think it did anything. Then I started noticing that I felt calmer, didn’t divide my attention up and could focus on things more attentively. I also just seemed happier.

See, they call a wandering mind “monkey mind.” The mind is like an ape begging for attention constantly. By taking time out of my day to watch and essentially give it the attention it wanted, I was able to calm it.

I’m guilty of falling out of this practice but today brought me back to the moments I spent enjoying absolute stillness and nothingness, just being. Singularity. Indeed life is very delicate in and of itself and when you stop a moment to appreciate it you become more thankful.

Perhaps I will reinstate this practice back into my routine as it is to my benefit.

Thank you for reading.

Vivre Sa Vie

Did I make an oath underneath that moonlight? The moon seemed to be a recurring theme for that night. Once when I was on the roof and I delighted in its super glory and again on the side of the beach. The moon was playing peek-a-boo with me all night, shrouded in the clouds. I’m glad that we were able to stop and appreciate the beauty of nature after a night of wordly affairs.

That night as I gripped a beer bottle, I had to wonder what I’m really about. What does it mean to live one’s life truly? I think I was beginning to understand it more.

That night I felt free, I was up for anything. It was a time of exploration for me in the old colonial city. Something that I’m all about. Maybe that’s what it means for me. I wouldn’t mind trying new experiences and loosening up just a little. I usually feel like the odd one out in these situations but I feel I may really be coming into my own.

Do I have more of a grasp of what I’m really about or is this just the effects of some alcohol and some fleeting excitement? This I wonder. Either way it feels good to have any sort of clarity… Vivre sa vie… my life to live.

Growing Up

Growing up I learned a lot of things the hard way. Rarely did I ever take someone’s advice as truth and applied it to my life.

Fast forward to today and I’ve made it to where I am now but it hasn’t been without its fair share of bumps and bruises. Sometimes I can’t believe I used to act a certain way or think a certain way. I guess even when I thought I wasn’t progressing forward I was still evolving.

I wonder if life has a way of pushing us along even when we don’t push ourselves forward.

I often think about how little life experience I have. About what it exactly means to grow up. As a kid I didn’t have any heroes, I didn’t look up to anybody. No role models.

I was more inspired by animated heroes on television than I was by real people. And while they certainly had qualities I wanted to emulate, I couldn’t really become the hero of a village or savior of the planet.

I needed something to aspire to, some mold to fit into. I’m still figuring out what that is. I’m wondering what roads to take. Taking everyone’s advice and seeing how it could fit into my life like a puzzle.

I’m hoping I can be a better man for tomorrow, but I don’t know what being a man really means or what it means for me.

I hope I can figure it out soon.

Nujabes, Soul Music

I believe there are two types of soul food. There’s the one most people are acquainted with. I’m talking cornbread, fried pork chops and mac and cheese. Then there’s the other soul food.

Music.

If someone asked me for some good “soul music,” I would direct them to Nujabes.

I discovered Nujabes circa 2014 when I was on my expedition into deeper music territory. I was heavily into electronic music at the time. From there I gravitated towards strictly beats, then Hip-Hop beats and that’s how I found Nujabes.

Nujabes is a blend of Hip-Hop, Jazz and Soul and it is done so beautifully and seamlessly. The late DJ is truly a legend in my and many others’ books. His use of flutes, piano arrangements, and saxophones have captivated me from the moment I came to know him.

His music moves my soul, it’s hard to explain the intricacy of how this music permeates the body and reaches inside. I feel uplifted, like in another plane. When I listen to Luv (sic.) pt3, my favorite track, I feel an emergence of my soul. I feel hopeful. I feel nostalgic, like I’m being called home.

On Imaginary Folklore, the serenading Japanese vocals soothe me. It makes me feel like everything is alright. Nujabes’ music helps me see the beauty in the world and appreciate it. Sometimes I’m so moved I want to write my own lyrics to the songs.

I can see his music being played in a piano bar or at your friendly neighborhood kickback. It’s so versatile and universal, anyone can enjoy. I remember I received a guest to my house one day and I was playing Nujabes, they never heard him before but they explained to me that the ambience made them feel peaceful and relaxed.

Even so, his music is not so mainstream with Americans. Real Hip-Hop heads are sure to know who this legend is but I feel he deserves more recognition.

Nujabes, your music continues to touch and inspire a generation of people and I’m sure it will for generations to come. You have left behind a legacy so impeccable, you will be remembered for years to come.

I truly respect artists who put their heart and soul into their music. Nujabes was one of them.

Rest in the clouds, king.