A drifter.
A wanderer.
A vagrant.
A misnomer.
A complete anomaly.
No identity.
No ties.
No friends.
No lovers.
No profile.
1 of ?
Team player.
No… no.
If the answer was in him he surely would have found it.
Something’s missing.
He’s missing.
But to have been missing, he would have to have had a place where he belonged in the first place.
A ghost.
A virtual nobody.
No record.
No backstory.
Just the perfect phantom.
And the strange thing is… he might actually prefer it that way.
Remember the good ole days of burned CDs and mixtapes on cassette? This one here does. It’s crazy how the new generation doesn’t remember these things and God I feel old for saying that but it really is a blast from the past, you know?
I remember when I asked a friend of mine to burn a CD for me for the first time so I could play it in the car. I gave him a list but he managed to put in a few pleasant surprises in there that really made me happy. It was a special feeling. Then I learned how to do it myself and everyone got CDs.
The way we share music has changed. Barely anyone has the time anymore to just check out some music you send them. The music scene is saturated right now so we have too many options and also, there are just way too many distractions online. With a video tempting you to click it with a clickbait title or a juicy social media thread; we’ve spread ourselves thin.
Nowadays we just pay a subscription fee and we can have unlimited downloads. I’m guilty myself of downloading music I’m never going to listen to. Whereas in the past we had to scour a file sharing site for the best quality upload so we could download it onto our MP3 player and risk getting a virus infection on our computer.
Mixtapes used to be personal. They had your name on it, they were your signature. You got the chance to be a curator, or a DJ. A tastemaker. And mixtapes came with their own titles like “music to listen to when you’re sad” or “music that makes you dance.” It was almost like the art of making a playlist as where if you had one skippable track on the whole thing then it was a dud. It’s crazy how romantic it seems now looking in hindsight.
I’m not saying I don’t like the advantage of having access to hundreds of thousands of songs in great qualify readily available. I just miss the times where we paid special close attention to the details. Where we tried to create music for an occasion. For the right moment. Music pairs well with experiences as they imprint memories in your head that last a lifetime.
All I’m saying is that if someone wanted to send me a mixtape titled “songs that make me think of your beautiful face,” I wouldn’t be mad.
But just kidding.
I walk up to the kitchen window to observe the expansive blue sky. In my headphones I’m listening to a song that sounds like it’s pulled straight out of a soundtrack. This feels like the end. Or at least the end of one chapter. I’ve been here for two whole months and for a moment I didn’t know if I was going to be trapped here or not. I fly tomorrow and what I’ll bring back home with me I’m not sure but I’m confident it’s something.
I have a hope for the future. For a moment it was touch and go. These last couple of months haven’t been easy. I found myself praying a lot. Making myself to be a victim. Then I realized just how fortunate I am. Something clicked in my head. Now I feel like I have a mission. It won’t be without its tears but that’s life I guess. Whether I wait around forever for someone to “save” me is up to me entirely.
I like music because it makes me feel like a hero. Will I be the hero in my own story? I guess we’ll have to see.
Magic… does it truly exist in this world? We see magic in the movies, on TV, we might even feel magical when we listen to certain kinds of music. We have holidays and parties where we dress up and pretend to be something we’re not. I think many people have a longing to escape.
For two hours I am watching a movie so captivating, so colorful, so whimsical and delightful that for that time I am transported into that world. I’m escaping for that little bit of time. The glare of the television screen acts as a window. A portal of sorts.
I connect with the characters. I feel for them. I feel the music deep within my bones. I get chills up my spine.
Afterwards it’s over and I’m left wanting more. Why can’t life be more like this, I wonder. Why can’t magic be real? Why can’t we go on adventures everyday?
The thing is… magic is real. Depending on your definition. The ability to suck me into a fictitious world and tie me to events happening in this world is a form of magic. When the right song comes on at the right time is a form of magic for me. The “magic” I’m talking about extends even farther than that. Miracles happen everyday. Ones we are blind too.
This is a frame of mind I’d like to keep as we go through these troubling times. I hope all of you stay safe out there but most of all, stay positive.
Let me paint you a picture.
A young man is troubled with growing pains.
When he was younger, everything was simpler. Everybody played together and less thought was given to what clique you were a part of or how you looked for that matter.
He found that when he got to high school, he felt invisible. Some “better looking” and more “suitable” guy stole the girl of his dreams.
He graduates high school and is looking for his place in the world. He suffers from interminable loneliness. All he knows is that he loves art. He sees artists in the media attracting lots of attention and he thinks “I can do that. Why should they get all the praise?”
So he locks himself away in his room. Working on his craft day and night. Determined to prove himself.
He starts to see some success and is getting more attention. Suddenly, people want to be around him. He forms a group of so-called friends who supposedly are there to secure his rise to the top. Then he finds that the industry is shady and he loses a lot of friends because of it. Some even stabbing him in the back.
He grows even colder. “Now I really won’t let anyone in. I’ll become the biggest artist in the world and all the fame and glory will be for me and me alone.”
So he becomes a chart topping success almost overnight. Now many women want to be with him but one stands out in particular.
This woman is very beautiful and she is also very popular so he thinks it would be a good look for him. The two date but he finds they have nothing in common. She only wants to talk about shallow things. At night he lies with her but it’s like lying next to a stranger.
Finally he makes enough money to be able to afford a big mansion in the hills. He moves the woman in with him and they have children.
One day he is sitting by himself and he thinks: “Why did I have children with this woman I don’t even love? Now I have everything I ever wanted. The fame. The money. The house on the hills and the trophy wife. But I still feel as empty as I did when I first started… I don’t want any of this anymore.”
So the boy, now a man plans his escape but it seems there’s nowhere for him to disappear to except a place you can’t come back from.
“So long world, you were never fair to me.”
And so… ends his long and arduous tale.
Artistic Apathy 