writing – Page 8 – Artistic Apathy

Lament

I have a lot to feel sorry for.

But tonight I want to forget about all that.

For once, I want to leave everything on the page.

Do you think I want to possess you? No. I just want your love. If even for tonight.

Tomorrow we can go back to being strangers. But for now, all that pent up frustration and emotional baggage… Use me to get over it. I’d gladly let you.

We are both lost souls. Looking for a place in this world that’s most unfriendly. Let me be the fire that warms your heart like a homely fireplace, lest our love be thrown to the furnace.

We’re at risk of falling and becoming like the rest of them. But that’s not becoming of us.

We peer into their lives but only out of curiosity. We wish not to meddle. Just observe. How things go on. We are looking from the outside in.

Play the music that makes it feel like time is at a standstill. I want to be there with you. In those moments in between.

I’ll go the distance but you have to show me you are willing to meet me there. I run the race for no one. Unless I see a cause.

We’re searching for things to momentarily fill the void. Whilst looking for things that set off bombs in us… Rupturing and undoing years of perpetual guilt, torment, and blame.

Tonight is quite dark and lonely but truth is… I walk the path alone. Who will meet me halfway? I don’t know. Time is valuable but why does it feel like a currency we can’t afford?

It’s just the plate that life’s handed us, it’s today’s du jour.

I’ll await at the borderline for something to save me. To make it all worth it. Is it really all weighing on my shoulders? It’s too much to bare. But I’ve shouldered it before. So therefore, I march on.

Why Gaming Culture is so Important

Nowadays, young people suffer more than ever. Especially during that transition period from young adulthood to full on adulthood. It seems like just yesterday we were playing on the playground and now we have bills to pay.

Life can be tough but that’s why I’m thankful for video games.

Video games allow you to explore places you’ve never been before, meet mysterious people, join in on the action, realize a legend and more.

When I was younger, I got made fun of a lot for the games I liked to play. At some point I just wouldn’t tell anyone what my interests were. Then years later, things like comic books, video games and anime were brought into the mainstream and suddenly it was the cool thing.

Also with help from content creators like RDCWorld1 and Cilvanis (just to name a few) things that were once seen as nerdy are culturally relevant.

Gaming culture has become so much apart of our culture that now big companies are advertising at gamers.

Music artists are partnering with franchises for promotions.

Safe to say, gaming culture isn’t going anywhere. People who were old enough to remember when gaming first made its way to homes are now old enough to have families. These people are still playing games and even with their children now. So we will still see this going on for generations.

This is so important for us all today. Gaming provides an escape. You can forget about all your worries and get involved in a complete storyline or a whole new world. It allows us all to tap into that inner child. I believe there is a game for each person out there. Perfectly tailored to your tastes. In this day and age, now more than ever we need ways to go back to those days on the playground and feel like kids again. If even for a moment.

Gone but not Lost

I sit in my bed, not knowing what words to type. What lines to scribble on the page. My ink runs dry.

My heart feels heavy. I’m tense. I want to cry but at the same time I’m feeling hopeful and there’s an underlying sense of peace.

This one is different. It’s about the pain and suffering in the world and everything we put ourselves through.

You would never imagine some of the things people have to go through and yet we’re surviving every day.

I’ve never felt like my life was in danger but I fight a battle too. Internally. These people are fighting an external battle.

I wonder if we could all put our weapons down one day. If we could all surrender. Raise that white flag…

Let’s give up on trying to punish each other. Let’s give up on being judge, jury, and executioner to our fellow man.

I’ve been thinking, and that thinking is that if we do anything important in this life it’s that we love one another.

I know it sounds like something on a Hallmark card but it really is the antidote to the poison that has so infected this world we live in every day.

I don’t know if it’s a good thing or not that I feel so heavily for other people. Maybe it’s a burden and maybe life would be easier if I just didn’t care what happened one way or the other. But I do. I care what happens. Give me the chance to do the right thing and not just for goodness’ sake but because I want to do the right thing.

Allow me to choose between love and hate and I will choose love every time. Allow me to choose the path of animosity or forgiveness and I rather live and let die.

Again, my heart is sore and I don’t quite know where that leaves me. Without love, none of us can keep on living. We may think we’re living but really, we’re dead inside.

A friend of mine told me to write freely tonight so here I am.

I hope my words can carry me farther than my imagination can. I hope that these words are like a song that my trapped cage bird soul sings. This is my gospel and its only mine.

Forever.

Time Will Tell

The winding of time

The melody echoes of better days

Wanting to go back

And find that place where I fit in

Like a puzzle, but now all I have is a muzzle

I can’t speak

I just want this feeling to last forever. Ethereal and so fleeting. I want to be complete.

I howl at the moon like a wolf. You’ve been there since the beginning. I smile at you and you smile back.

We plunge into the deep black lagoon without so much as a thought. Where it’s taking us, we don’t know… and don’t care.

Imaginary Monster

Social anxiety for a long time was something I had long suffered with.

It held me back in so many areas: Socializing, working, going outside, etc.

My social anxiety was very mild at first. When I was younger, I moved schools a lot and always found myself in a new environment with no new friends and no familiar faces. In the beginning I always made an effort to make friends but the more I moved the more withdrawn I became. I learned to just keep to myself and not to bother with making friends. After all, who knew when the last time I would see them would be.

The more withdrawn I became, the more I developed my own little world where I was the center of it.

My biggest fear was someone disrupting this world so oftentimes someone “intruding” would trip me up and make me nervous.

First it was being socially withdrawn then after high school it translated into a fear of big crowds. I became overly obsessive about what people might think of me that it made it hard to even function like a normal person. Who knew though, all along I was the only one judging and no one outside of me was pointing a single finger!

For a while I was unemployed just for the reason that the anxiety grew to the point where I didn’t want to even go outside. I didn’t want the world to see me. I had judged myself. Since I went out of my way not to see people, I quickly became depressed out of a need to be seen. It was a conflict between needing to be seen and not feeling worthy enough.

I had few jobs that required customer service skills and the anxiety was so huge for me that I just quit each time. It wasn’t until much later that I found a job that would crack my shell completely.

Living with social anxiety was a nightmare and a hell for me. I tried everything, forums, online videos, medicine, therapy. Anything for me to be normal again but all it took was for me to step outside of my head for a moment. All those things were in my head. If I had just known how powerful your thoughts can be then everything could have changed for me. Now when I sense those thoughts creeping up I just tell myself it’s my irrational self crying for attention.

And I don’t pay attention to it.