art – Page 13 – Artistic Apathy

Dream the Dream

I’m a pretty big dreamer. I can call myself that. But nothing more magnifies this idea than my actual dreams. At night I dream expansive imaginative worlds with their own narration. None of them like the other.

Often times, like most I suppose, I forget that I’m living a dream and when I wake up there are a few moments where I have to ground myself in reality and think “that was a dream.”

It’s often said dreams are a portal to another world. I’ve heard it been said that dreams are the reality and we’re actually in the dream during our waking hours. I don’t know about all of that but I do know that in my dreams are encased my fears, anxieties, emotions, hopes, dreams. Things that I don’t normally express during my waking hours.

It’s almost like a little playground where one can act out the deepest inclinations of their mind. Although, sometimes I’m surprised by what I dream, it can be horrifying.

While dreams aren’t always pleasant, they can also be a way to connect to others vicariously. Maybe you’d like to say sorry to someone whose trust you broke. Maybe you want to finally say goodbye to that late family member, properly.

In dreams, I get to interact with those in my life who are important to me but are miles and miles away. In dreams I get to talk to them face to face, I can hold them and feel them. It’s a way for me to deal with the emotional burden of them not being here and sometimes there are moments in dreams I wish I could actually live.

Last night I had a dream that a friend sent me a video of them in New York City. It was snowing and it was apparently Christmas by the garments that they had on. I went outside and there were Christmas decorations everywhere. I went up a long hill and raised my head to see the sky was filled with dazzling stars. What a beautiful dream. So beautiful, I had to immortalize it forever in a drawing. Which I often gawk at because I know I’ll never get that dream back.

But hey, you never know. Life is just dreams waiting to be made reality.

I wonder though, if someone could remember every detail of their dreams from while they were asleep, I’m sure there’d be movie scripts, inventions and lucrative ideas just waiting to be expanded upon.

Thank you for reading~

Until next time.

10 Days of Meditation – Results

Now the title may be misleading. I didn’t meditate for ten days straight. I just made it a habit to take some time out of my day to devote to myself. Particularly in the morning.

While I don’t want to make this journey all about the results, I think it’s important to put into focus what I’ve learned and hopefully you all can get something out of it as well.

Now if you read my previous blog post about meditation you would know I’m no stranger to it. I started my own practice what seems like forever ago but is only a few years. A lot has changed since then.

Mainly what got me back into doing it is my desire to be more engaged in the present moment. I found myself often times retreating into my mind and fighting inner demons all day long. I wanted to dispel those demons and feel more in the here and now and not in the future or past.

So far it’s been helping me to do that. You could call me a intermediate meditator so I quickly fell back into the practice. I thought nothing would come up during the meditation but to my surprise many thoughts and stories and feelings came up.

My job was to not tamper with them but to simply leave them be. They would come in and do their thing for a while then they would leave. I had an old thought pattern that was eating me away. When I began “allowing,” it quickly became almost a non-issue. Today I can say it’s one less thing to worry about.

I’ve learned a lot of things about myself. The days have been mostly fair to me but the other day I was struggling with an inner pain. Depends on your definition of struggling though as I was learning how to be with it. I came up with an interesting metaphor. Old pains are like a wounded animal you find by chance. You take it in, nurse it back to health and love it and when it’s time you set it free.

That’s exactly what I practiced. I spent the day feeling the pain in full. No denying it or trying to stuff it down. I didn’t eat it away, I didn’t engage in some kind of awful addiction to numb it. Although I’m not judging those who do.

I was feeling anxiety about an upcoming event and I started getting all these thoughts in my head. An old story about me played in my head, essentially a limitation and I found myself “predicting” the future.

My mind took me to a place where the future event had already happened and I had screwed things up. It was merely a thought but I was living it in the here and now as if it was real. I realized that no one can tell the future but the pain would not go away. It was calling out to be felt/loved like a small child.

I had a conversation with a friend and we talked about how there are good days and bad days and something that was so common sense clicked later when the following day I woke up feeling much better. The pain tried to creep back up later but I was wide open to accepting it and it did its thing and left.

What he said just kind of drives home the fact that all pain is temporary and we don’t have to feel this way forever. When you’re in pain you project into the future as if you are always going to feel this way but that’s just not true. There are good days and bad days and our job is to be there with ourselves on those bad days and not run from ourselves which makes us feel more isolated and alone and does the opposite of what we are trying to achieve.

The future event didn’t even end up happening so that just proves further how much of it is a lie. Now I have another event coming up and I don’t feel as anxious after the awareness I’ve gained.

I’m more aware of my body and I can feel myself literally resisting thoughts and how my body reacts to certain thoughts/feelings/emotions.

It’s all pretty enlightening stuff but I’m only a step of the way there.

Today I realized quite literally what it means that we are the sky not the clouds. As I laid on my back and watched the clouds drift by. We are infinite, we are the sky–not the cloud which is passing by.

I’m looking forward more than ever to where life takes me as it seems that everything is lining up perfect for me to step into my power. The test is here. No pressure though.

Thank you for reading~

Eye Contact

Writing prompt #1 “Eye Contact”

Samantha remained frozen, deadlocked in the middle of Ethan’s view. She looked like a deer in headlights. Her heart beat rapidly.

“E…than,” she murmured.

Ethan stared back at her, similarly. His eyes were wide and his heart also beat rapidly.

“Sa…mantha,” he mouthed silently.

The two walked toward each other without breaking eye contact. Not even for a second. Once they were within an arm’s distance they shook hands. Still not breaking eye contact.

“You look even better in person,” Samantha said.

“You too,” Ethan said examining her from head to toe.

Ethan spun around and signaled towards the table adjacent to them.

“Should we sit?”

“Sure,” Samantha said.

The two sat down still looking into each others’ eyes.

“I can say,” Ethan started. “Looking at your eyes for this long, they really are beautiful.”

“Thanks,” Samantha said. “I can say your eyes are the prettiest brown eyes I’ve ever laid my eyes on.”

The two of them chuckled. Ethan explained how he had never received a compliment on his eyes like that and he thought them to be pretty normal.

“That’s the first time we’ve broken eye contact,” Samantha joked.

“How do you feel in this moment?” He asked her, all smiles.

“Feel like this has been the best decision I’ve made all year.”

Ethan perked up at the sound of that and wore a huge smile on his face.

“I think this could work out,” he said.

“I think so too,” she said.

Reflecting on my Vacation Overseas

For a couple of months I’ve had the pleasure of spending sometime overseas with my family in the Dominican Republic. I was received well and treated like a guest of honor. All in all, it was a positive experience and I’m ever grateful I came.

I got to explore around and see things I’ve never seen before and also re-visit some things I had seen but had changed. The trip brought on a sense of nostalgia and adventure. It was like being in a home away from home.

I had no idea I had so much family and now that I know I feel less alone. Just knowing that there are more people who care about you whether they’re around or not makes a huge difference.

At times I felt antsy to get home and work on my new projects but I stayed busy here writing blog posts, stories and other fun activities that kept me productive. While antsy at times I was never desperate and enjoyed my time here very much. Time seemed to slow down on the island. I was forced to look at myself a lot throughout this whole experience and asked myself what do I regard as important and family being one of them.

Now the journey is nearing its end and I will be returning home tomorrow. I look forward to working harder and being a little more appreciative and also helping others.

Lift you off the Ground

Words can’t express what you are to me.

When no one is around, I have you but you may not even be aware just how much you impact my life. I wish you could know it every day, just how much you matter. I know sometimes you don’t feel so good. I want to be the person who can lift you off the ground when it feels like you’re sinking. Cheer up.

Don’t let life get you down and always look towards a brighter future. You came at a time when I was really losing myself and thanks to you I found myself again. If you can do that for me, I know you can accomplish anything you want.

Sometimes I don’t feel worthy of you or anybody and I want to just hide and disappear for a while. But you’re always there when I come back and you never turn me away. I hope that we remain like this for many years to come. I feel like I’ve struck gold with you.

No I won’t name you by name. If I told you all this I would feel overexposed. It’s not really something that’s accepted… nonetheless I hope you accomplish everything you set out to accomplish. And always know you have at least one person in your corner. Who wants to see you happy everyday and winning.

This is to you.