Life is… sadness. It’s pain. But most importantly, it’s joy… happiness. It’s glee. It can be gloomy. It can be shadowy. It can be depressing. It can make you apathetic, it can make you jaded. It can make you care less. It can make you hateful, spiteful but it can also teach you how to love. It can be inspirational. Life is torment, instability, ambiguity… yet full of light, full of beauty, full of opportunity and full of beautiful people.
Life is all these things.
Hello again, long time no see… if you’re wondering why I’ve been absent, I’ve taken a small break from posting due to the fact that I’ve been dealing with very low lows and at times experiencing crisis.
Well I’m back, if even only to deliver you this post.
Everyday I learn something new. Life is full of gifts and little surprises and is absolutely worth it.
I guess most of all what I’m thankful for is my friends. They may not be present all the time in times of despair and I’m learning to just accept that. Sometimes you have to go it alone, but it’s all essential for growth.
I’m currently on vacation in the Caribbean again and I’m finding rest for my weary soul. A self-prescribed medication that perhaps I really needed.
There’s a lot of downtime and slow moments but I think it’s in those moments that we find out the most about ourselves. Are you the type to make something out of nothing or are you simply a dreamer?
A friend of mine told me to let go and that’s been on my mind ever since I read his text message. Sometimes I expect too much out of people but all I know is that expectations can lead to much disappointment. No matter how depressing that may sound, it’s just life.
I’m learning to expect less from people while still being open to receive their gifts.
It’s like a quote from a movie I saw says: “people aren’t just one thing.” I’ve often thought about that line and the more I think about it, it’s true.
If I only remember the wrongs someone committed then in my mind I have written that person off. Although they may be so much more. Going through old back and forths with a friend of mine drew me to that conclusion. We had been there for each other through dark times but one absence in a moment of desperation can lead you to forget who they were for you all along.
I hope you all find rest for your weary souls, truly.
2019 was a surprisingly positive year with a lot of development.
This year I saw myself unravel before my very eyes and leave my anxiety and depression from the previous year in the dust.
At the very beginning of the year I escaped to the more tropical climate of Dominican Republic and spent three whole months recuperating after a massive traumatizing event.
I got to re-connect with a lot of family members and it felt good just to be surrounded by people who love me.
When I came back in May, I got a new job within a week of being back home.
I had no idea how much this new job would mean to me and how essential it would be for my development as a person. I didn’t account for the invaluable relationships I would make and the sense of responsibility and the confidence that comes along with that.
This year I attended more concerts than ever before.
I only attended one concert in 2018 but this year I even saw myself going out of state for one (which was glorious by the way).
I saw musicians I had been following for a long time which left a real impression on me. I connected with myself as well as my comrades, the fans.
I hope that in 2019 I will get to see many more of my favorite artists and have a great time.
This is the year I got in the moment. On and off I meditated everyday for months. Even having a streak of 29 days at one point. I learned a lot about myself through meditation. I learned how to handle fears and emotions better. I became a more efficient person and more in tune with myself. As a result I became less addictive and more content with how things were in the present moment.
In 2019 I let go of relationships that weren’t serving me. I plan to focus more on the people who have time for me and value me this year than those who really don’t or pretend to.
All in all I’m grateful for this year and glad that I made it through in one piece.
Any resolutions? No. Just to continue working on myself and get closer to my heart.
Happy New Year 2020 everyone.
I want you to see me
Can you see clearly?
Am I in focus?
It’s me.
And I’ve waited longingly for you
For the day…
Where we could become one
Still, you won’t come to a conclusion
Do you want to keep running from me?
Or will you embrace me?
After all, I am… You.
I don’t own you…
And I think that is so beautiful
I watch you dance and prance on the stage of life
You are so fascinating
You are your own person
How could I ever keep you caged like a bird?
The caged bird sings but you sing even louder when you are free to roam
I won’t be the one to bind you.
Run
Run free
Make me proud to be in this maze with you
Artistic Apathy 