poem – Artistic Apathy

Elevator

Stuck in this elevator…

Pitch black. Can’t see my way out.

It feels like it’s not moving, like it’s not going anywhere.

I crouch in a corner of this cold steel cage.

I grip my knees and rock back and forth trying to console myself.

The elevator is my own mind.

Constantly facing and fighting my own insecurities and doubts about myself.

It’s like being stuck in a pitch black elevator. Everywhere you look, darkness.

There’s no emergency button either. I have to be down for the ride.

Where is this elevator going? Up or down? I just hope it’s up for my sake.

It’s getting harder and harder but somehow I feel in control.

A strange feeling.

Will I finally reach the top floor?

2 Souls

I approach you with the heart of a child

Your music is like magic to me

You’re like a siren the way your call informs the world around me

In a technologically advanced world, you remind me what it’s like to have an old soul

As the world revolves around us, we’re reminded more and more that it’s more than just about us

Let’s abandon selfish desires for something pure… Something unadulterated…

We trip up on words unspoken. Left to the imagination, what’s unassuming becomes visceral and amplifies with each quaking moment.

Allow me to come clean once and for all. I leave my filthy rags behind for some fine linen white robes.

Let’s endure this love everlasting. Making each moment for exciting than the previous one.

Salvage Yard

Take whatever you can salvage.

Everything must go.

The old saying “out with the old, in with the new” applies to this current situation

In this yard lies unfulfilled dreams, pain, darkness, long forgotten memories

Soon, everything will be tossed into the furnace.

The purifying blue flame that is this current moment.

After that, the old will cease to be.

I will become a new creature, reborn from the ashes like a phoenix.

Still though, I find myself coming back to this place time and time again.

What is it that keeps me here and binds me to this place? This attachment that feels more and more like a sore each time?

I will pluck out the thorn from my side, correct my posture and walk the line that is set out in front of me.

Shadows of yesterday will not be able to withstand the light that magnifies with each given day.

And in return, the shadows thank me. You see, a shadow doesn’t know it’s a shadow.

I sit atop a rusty old car and wonder if it’s going anywhere. But then I remember it’s not functional.

So I trade in my keys for some new ones.

Down to go for a little joy ride?

Evolution

I traverse the path they call life with you

Over they sky, a monochrome rainbow but now a different hue

Stabbed me one too many times, been my thorn one too many times… I thought of getting rid of you

A relationship is a gamble for me but you I couldn’t stand to lose

We have conversations over coffee, see, but we still have different views

Offer me a million girls from all around the world and still only you I’d choose

I’ve come clean. I’ve righted my wrongs. I’ve paid my debts. I’ve paid my dues

Please let this be as sweet as candy and as pure as white snow on a frosty December morning.

Wherever you are, whatever it is, I’ll meet you there, no matter what it’s concerning.

An unquenchable torch within my heart that will forever be burning

I fear my emotions are too much sometimes and you’ll leave in a hurry

Please reassure me everyday and tell me “I love you” so I never have to worry.

I Want to Break Free.

I want to break free.
I want to be free.

I want to know what it means…

To suffer…

I want to be free of inhibitions,

I want to be with you lying under the stars.

I want you to look in my eyes, stars reflecting back to me, to tell me how much you need me and I will be there for you.

I want to take this mask off and show the world what’s hiding underneath. Sometimes though, I don’t know what that is.

Who am I really?

I don’t understand my feelings.

Why do certain things call to me? What do they mean? And why must I figure it all out? Or do I…? I think I’m just scared… of what they will think of me.

I feel pressured to have it all together. To appear like I have everything under control on the surface… To appear like a normal person. But what if I wanted to lose control for once, just to see what would happen? What would you think of me then? Would you still have this image of me or would you be disappointed?

What if I bared all my scars for you to see…?

I want to break free.

I don’t want my existence to be purely physical nor do I want to be defined by the limitations of a physical world.

I want to break free.

My heart soars and amplifies, and for a moment, I finally feel complete. Just to later come crashing down, facing myself in the mirror again.

I want to break free.

I want to sing a song and pour my entire soul into it.

I want you to feel where I’m coming from.

I want you to see me… to see the pain, the highs, the lows, the laughter and the cries. I want you to see it all, and I want you to feel something. Allow me to connect with you on a deeper level. Let’s explore our past traumas and sunken darkness and find the light that guides within that guides us all. Let’s move forward together.

I want to break free.

Everyday I wake up and wonder why I still have to live this way.

Why aren’t things different? And was this the life I was always meant to live?

My heart hurts and feels heavy… I want a shoulder to lay my head on but there is none.

No… Mustn’t cry. Mustn’t do that now… I only reserve that for behind closed doors. I can’t let them see me break down, I can’t let them see into me.

All the times I’ve broken down in silence and there was no one to comfort me.

The uncomfortable silence following a moment of unhinged sobbing…

I wipe my tears again, and just continue…

There was no shoulder for me but I can be one for you. Confide in me, I won’t expel you. I can be your confidante, if you’ll be mine. Together we can finish the race together and see it through until the end. I don’t want you to suffer like I had to, if I could I would end your pain, forever.

No… nobody needs me…

At least that’s what I tell myself. At least, that’s what it feels like. So it’s all the same.

I want to break free.

Want

Break

Free.