May 2020 – Page 2 – Artistic Apathy

One Long Night

I trail on alone… in the darkness.

I’ve never been more frightened. It’s thundering and the clouds are dark and charged with rain.

For a moment, it seems the only thing raining down tonight is me.

But I can’t turn back… not now anyway.

There’s nothing to go back to. They say home is where the heart is. In that case, my home is definitely not my home. And I have nowhere I can place my heart.

I feel stranded. Like the loneliest creature in this long and dreary night.

I call a friend but strangely their phone has been disconnected. It’s all awfully too convenient.

I look for a sign. Telling me to go back. Or to keep going. I’m done relying on signs. Suddenly, it begins to rain. So I search for the nearest cover. A tree provides me with temporary shelter. Still, I’m shaken with fear. Will anything ease my troubled mind?

Suddenly home doesn’t seem so bad. At least it’s a shelter from all the dangers of life. Although one day I won’t have that safety cushion anymore. I’ll have to venture out into the wilderness alone. Kind of like now.

Who or what will I give my heart to? Who or what will be the tree that shades me through the storms and the rain?

For now, there’s nobody. And that’s just a reality I have to deal with. Although I don’t want to, I will have to return home immediately. And not because anyone will worry about me. But because I have to. It’s my only home. As broken as it may be.

As the night progresses, I strangely find solace under this tree. This thing, it’s not a human but it’s providing me with necessary shelter. Life’s comical that way. I somehow find peace and quiet even though the weather has not yet tempered.

The street has no perceivable end. I could shout and no one would hear me.

It’s puzzling to me how no one is slightly worried for my safety. All I have is myself and an iTunes library of music. Is it enough? Who knows.

I was afraid of being caught in a thunderstorm but nature isn’t to be feared. It’s to be respected. And right now it’s coming through for me when no one is.

It’s not like I’m completely alone. But I might as well be. Having someone to talk to isn’t the same as having someone you can be yourself with, unapologetically.

I know I’ll make it through this. There’s no doubt in my mind. I always persevere and that’s a trait I like in myself. But for now all I see is a lost little boy. Alone in the rain.

Lament

I have a lot to feel sorry for.

But tonight I want to forget about all that.

For once, I want to leave everything on the page.

Do you think I want to possess you? No. I just want your love. If even for tonight.

Tomorrow we can go back to being strangers. But for now, all that pent up frustration and emotional baggage… Use me to get over it. I’d gladly let you.

We are both lost souls. Looking for a place in this world that’s most unfriendly. Let me be the fire that warms your heart like a homely fireplace, lest our love be thrown to the furnace.

We’re at risk of falling and becoming like the rest of them. But that’s not becoming of us.

We peer into their lives but only out of curiosity. We wish not to meddle. Just observe. How things go on. We are looking from the outside in.

Play the music that makes it feel like time is at a standstill. I want to be there with you. In those moments in between.

I’ll go the distance but you have to show me you are willing to meet me there. I run the race for no one. Unless I see a cause.

We’re searching for things to momentarily fill the void. Whilst looking for things that set off bombs in us… Rupturing and undoing years of perpetual guilt, torment, and blame.

Tonight is quite dark and lonely but truth is… I walk the path alone. Who will meet me halfway? I don’t know. Time is valuable but why does it feel like a currency we can’t afford?

It’s just the plate that life’s handed us, it’s today’s du jour.

I’ll await at the borderline for something to save me. To make it all worth it. Is it really all weighing on my shoulders? It’s too much to bare. But I’ve shouldered it before. So therefore, I march on.

Why Gaming Culture is so Important

Nowadays, young people suffer more than ever. Especially during that transition period from young adulthood to full on adulthood. It seems like just yesterday we were playing on the playground and now we have bills to pay.

Life can be tough but that’s why I’m thankful for video games.

Video games allow you to explore places you’ve never been before, meet mysterious people, join in on the action, realize a legend and more.

When I was younger, I got made fun of a lot for the games I liked to play. At some point I just wouldn’t tell anyone what my interests were. Then years later, things like comic books, video games and anime were brought into the mainstream and suddenly it was the cool thing.

Also with help from content creators like RDCWorld1 and Cilvanis (just to name a few) things that were once seen as nerdy are culturally relevant.

Gaming culture has become so much apart of our culture that now big companies are advertising at gamers.

Music artists are partnering with franchises for promotions.

Safe to say, gaming culture isn’t going anywhere. People who were old enough to remember when gaming first made its way to homes are now old enough to have families. These people are still playing games and even with their children now. So we will still see this going on for generations.

This is so important for us all today. Gaming provides an escape. You can forget about all your worries and get involved in a complete storyline or a whole new world. It allows us all to tap into that inner child. I believe there is a game for each person out there. Perfectly tailored to your tastes. In this day and age, now more than ever we need ways to go back to those days on the playground and feel like kids again. If even for a moment.

Gone but not Lost

I sit in my bed, not knowing what words to type. What lines to scribble on the page. My ink runs dry.

My heart feels heavy. I’m tense. I want to cry but at the same time I’m feeling hopeful and there’s an underlying sense of peace.

This one is different. It’s about the pain and suffering in the world and everything we put ourselves through.

You would never imagine some of the things people have to go through and yet we’re surviving every day.

I’ve never felt like my life was in danger but I fight a battle too. Internally. These people are fighting an external battle.

I wonder if we could all put our weapons down one day. If we could all surrender. Raise that white flag…

Let’s give up on trying to punish each other. Let’s give up on being judge, jury, and executioner to our fellow man.

I’ve been thinking, and that thinking is that if we do anything important in this life it’s that we love one another.

I know it sounds like something on a Hallmark card but it really is the antidote to the poison that has so infected this world we live in every day.

I don’t know if it’s a good thing or not that I feel so heavily for other people. Maybe it’s a burden and maybe life would be easier if I just didn’t care what happened one way or the other. But I do. I care what happens. Give me the chance to do the right thing and not just for goodness’ sake but because I want to do the right thing.

Allow me to choose between love and hate and I will choose love every time. Allow me to choose the path of animosity or forgiveness and I rather live and let die.

Again, my heart is sore and I don’t quite know where that leaves me. Without love, none of us can keep on living. We may think we’re living but really, we’re dead inside.

A friend of mine told me to write freely tonight so here I am.

I hope my words can carry me farther than my imagination can. I hope that these words are like a song that my trapped cage bird soul sings. This is my gospel and its only mine.

Forever.

Time Will Tell

The winding of time

The melody echoes of better days

Wanting to go back

And find that place where I fit in

Like a puzzle, but now all I have is a muzzle

I can’t speak

I just want this feeling to last forever. Ethereal and so fleeting. I want to be complete.

I howl at the moon like a wolf. You’ve been there since the beginning. I smile at you and you smile back.

We plunge into the deep black lagoon without so much as a thought. Where it’s taking us, we don’t know… and don’t care.